I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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