he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
