Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
