it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
