is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
