How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
