someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
