remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
