Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
