pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize