I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
