he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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