ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
