We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
