and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
