pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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