and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
