you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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