I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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