you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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