Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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