I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
