ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This baby is an asshole
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
