I will die if light touches me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
