My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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