bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
