I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
