i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
