her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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