Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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