So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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