someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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