hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
