babies were throwing up all over the place
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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