maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
