My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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