I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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