bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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