oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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