I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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