Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
