you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
