Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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