After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
