i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
