Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
