i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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