i barfeds in our rink
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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