If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
