WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
