Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
