Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
