omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
