The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
