community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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