Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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