The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Randomize
